gOnZoRiFFiC DIY Cinema

FACES OF SCHLOCK (Boobs and Blood Edition)

2010-07-27T12:08:00.000-07:00

On September 21, 2010, with the DVD release of "Faces of Schlock", Gonzoriffic will have completed its circle around the world of no-budget film. Around 2000, this site (originally on Yahoo! Geocities) began publishing features about such movies as "Caress of the Vampire" and "Erotic Witch Project", and quickly became one of the biggest supporters of Alternative Cinema. What readers didn't know was that Gonzoriffic was not on some special list to receive free DVDs from the company in exchange for all the positive reviews, we actually bought them in stores like all the other fans. Difference was, we wanted to share our enthusiasm and thoughts with the rest of the world.
Sometime around 2003, we decided to take a crack at making our own films. Largely influenced by the Seduction Cinema release "Mistress Frankenstein", we produced "Buttonhead", our first adventure with film making in the digital age. Falling head first into the close-knit microcinema universe, we found ourselves sharing a booth at the 2004 Twisted Nightmare Weekend convention, and returned home with a suitcase full of movies made by all the contacts we made at the show. One guy, a teenage whiz kid auteur by the name of Henrique Couto, wouldn't leave us alone after we published a story about his films. He sought to partner up with us on a project that would incorporate short films by a few of his friends, and while it wasn't the first time anyone approached us about distributing our stuff, Henrique was the most genuine and had an impressive DVD release catalog to back it up. We gave him "Buttonhead" on good faith, and "Faces of Schlock" was born. Our experience was a great one, so we signed on for the follow up volume, providing our film festival workhorse, "Psycho Vixens", as well as the script for Henrique's contribution, "Songs in the Key of Satan".
Reviews were good, sales were good, and by the end of 2005, we were already planning another collection. As a gift to Henrique for all his hard work, a script for a holiday-themed slasher film was tailor made for him to direct as his segment of the third "Schlock" release. "Slay Ride" was the first time we'd written a movie for someone else to make ("Songs" was originally intended as a Gonzoriffic production), and was very much a "kitchen sink" effort featuring modern b-movie staples like lesbians, chainsaws, gore and excessive nudity, while still maintaining our sense of responsibility toward unusual roles for women in cinema. On our end, we produced a re-tooling of one of our very first experiments, "Cannibal Sisters", and made efforts to secure higher production value so the new compilation would have a more uniform look (our previous segments were shot with dirt cheap equipment). The project went on hiatus for the better part of two years while the "schlock" gang, including Gonzoriffic, all went to work on our own respective feature-length films, but reconvened at just the right time in early 2008. By then, we had decided to release "Cannibal" on our own and instead provided a brand-new short for the new disc, "Blood Witch". We felt it represented our best work to date, and might help us catch the eye of a professional distributor.
The circle began to close when actor Ruby LaRocca accepted the lead role in "Slay Ride". A staple in many of Alternative Cinema's films, and recipient of much praise from reviews on Gonzoriffic over the years, it was huge thrill for us to know that Ruby would be reciting dialog in a film we wrote. The next thing we knew, the movie was done, and we were sitting at a convention booth next to her, signing posters and DVDs. We all had our fingers crossed that Alternative Cinema would like the movie enough to want to release it, and sure enough, they did. In ten years' time, we went from fans buying their films in stores and writing about them on the internet to actually getting to make one. There's a lot to be proud of. The movie is great and contains everything the packaging and the trailer promise, plus more that just might surprise you. Today's landscape is flooded with people making their own low-budget backyard zombie fests, but the herd thins out in a significant way by the time you get to the final stages of production. To see this kind of project through to completion is no easy task, and as you have read, takes a long time. We stand by the DVD and our contributions to it, and hope that the people who pick it up feel like they got what they came for. In my years as a reviewer, I was always critical of movies that tried to pass themselves off as something they weren't, using deceptive cover art and marketing tactics as an underhanded grab for the exploitation / cult film / b-movie audience's hard-earned dollar. I can honestly stand behind this one and say it is the kind of movie I love to watch.

Available on Amazon here:
http://www.amazon.com/Faces-Schlock-George-Stover/dp/B003QTBSUI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1280257548&sr=8-1

Check out the trailer and see for yourself. Not work safe, but you should expect no less!

Eating Cheese on Hollywood

2010-07-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

The following short piece was found in my drafts folder. It was commissioned by filmmaker Amy Lynn Best for publication (either in Femme Fatales magazine or on Pretty-Scary.net or perhaps something else I'm forgetting) years ago. I have no idea if it ever made it out into the world, or if this is even the finished version. I just thought it would be a neat look back on my transition from movie reviewer to movie maker.

EATING CHEESE ON HOLLYWOOD
by Andrew Shearer

There's a Buddhist proverb that states: "Do not speak- unless it improves on silence."

When I started using the internet on a regular basis, the first thing I sought was information on the weird, obscure, bizarre kinds of films I'd grown to cherish as a movie fan over the years. You know, the kind of stuff you'd see on late-night cable television, or the videos that line the "used" bins and go for $2. The kind of thing people of my dad's generation could go see at a drive-in theater, or some low-rent grindhouse downtown. B-movies. The opposite of Hollywood.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find very much at all about my beloved no-budget gems. Searches for GEEK MAGGOT BINGO, FIVE LOOSE WOMEN and FRANKENHOOKER came up disappointingly empty. So I decided to improve on the silence. I started my own movie review website.

Because I really detest critics, and find no particular joy in picking someone's art into tiny pieces, my reviews served more to shed light on movies that I deemed worthy of attention. I thought of myself as a reporter on exciting events, kinda like when you see something unique or wild and you can't wait to run and tell your buddies, "Hey! You're not gonna believe this! Check it out!"

When I began to get e-mails from the people who were making these movies was when I realized just how much weight my words could carry. People actually thanked me for laughing at the jokes in BIKINI HOE DOWN (which, by the way, plays like THE DUKES OF HAZZARD and SCOOBY-DOO put together, only with lots of naked girls). I couldn't believe filmmakers would care that much about something a nobody in cyberspace said about their work. Then, my initial feelings of imortance lead to panic as I realized that anything negative I might have said about a movie could possibly have also been read by someone who put their hard work into making it!

I quickly began reading through all my reviews, and sure enough, here and there I found some not-so-positive things I'd said about a couple films. Granted, my observations were nowhere near the kind of childish bile that's commonly passed off as a "movie review" on the internet these days, but it did cause me to put myself in check: Was I still improving on the silence?

The next question I asked myself was, could I do better? If not, what gave me the right to say anything bad about a movie? And if so, why wasn't I making movies of my own? After all, I had seen many films that made me think, "You know, maybe I could do this too." So I wrote a script, borrowed a camcorder, got my friends together, and off I went.

So here I am, one year after my decision to venture into the wonderful world of independent filmmaking. I continue to write reviews, and continue to make films. What did I learn?

As a reviewer, if I expect anyone to listen to what I have to say and take my words seriously, I have got to conduct myself in a professional manner. While the big shots in Hollywood could care less about what people on the internet say about their work, independent filmmakers have built a strong community online that has helped connect them directly with fans and with others struggling as they are. To tear down their art is not only pointless, but ultimately working against the whole ethic of doing one's own thing outside the system.

That's not to say every indie film I see is fantastic. I've been bored by several, found many to be uninspired rip-offs, and I swear if I see one more flick that has lesbian vampires, I just might vomit. But if there's one thing I've noticed about the negative movie reviews that pop up online, they all seem to have the same point: Don't waste your time/money on this film.

My thinking on that is, if I've already wasted 90 minutes of my life watching a movie that was no more than someone's attempt to cash in on naked strippers covered in blood, why waste MORE time by writing about it online? I don't know about you, but I pay a high monthly fee for my internet service, and I would rather spend that time reading about the history of PEZ. Put simply, I don't bother reviewing a movie I don't like. I only make an exception if I know the parties in question can do better, or if I feel the advertising completely misleads the viewer (ex: covers featuring actors that aren't in the movie, older films re-titled to appear new).

Constructive criticism is one thing, but an outright attack is another. Some people's attitude is, the filmmakers put themselves out there for display. They are fair game, they should be able to take it. I don't believe in that. It's hard to make a movie, and while we like to know what we can do to improve our work just as much as we like to know what we did well, telling a filmmaker he/she has no talent is completely wrong. Saying an actor is ugly is even worse. Imagine how you'd feel if such things were said about you.

March 24, 2004

Seduction Cinema's Lesbian Vampire Lovers Collection

2010-06-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

This collection is a nostalgia trip that symbolizes the end of an era. Not so long ago, stores like Borders actually stocked all kinds of DVDs, and chains like Best Buy included "adult" fare in their "Special Interest" section (I can remember seeing "Topless Tapioca Wrestling" right next to documentaries about WWII). There was this little window between late-night cable TV and Netflix that lasted from 1998 to 2008 where people were buying DVDs like crazy, and stuff like this was readily available. It was during this time that Seduction Cinema kicked a lot of ass and released tons of movies, a cross between Skinemax and exploitation classics that yielded some true cult film gems, some of which can be found on this latest collection.

"Vampire's Seduction" (1998) stars Tina Krause as Dracoola, and is actually quite funny. This was one of the first Seduction releases I ever saw (Back then they were called Brain Escape Pictures, and also released Frank Terranova's "Caress of the Vampire"), and it's still one of their best. "My Vampire Lover" (2002) features several of the Seduction Cinema stable of actors including Paige Richards, Katie Jordan, Misty Mundae, Ruby LaRocca and Darian Caine but lacks a solid comic lead like the other films on this disc. "Vampire Vixens" (2003), the remake of/sequel to "Vampire's Seduction", has a high skin factor (some of the scenes really push the "softcore" envelope) but seems like a thrown-together afterthought. What you do get is a mega-cast of not only returning principals from the original, but also most of Seduction Cinema's repertory players from that time. "Sexy Adventures of Van Helsing" (2004) rounds out the set, and is easily the best film in terms of production value, acting and comedy. It remains one of my favorite SC flicks, and features great performances by Erika Smith and AJ Khan. And I'm happy to say I'm the proud owner of the "Lesbian Party" prop sign from the film (also shown on the DVD menu screens)!

DVD extras from the original releases were preserved for the most part. Each film (except "Van Helsing") is accompanied by a blooper reel or a behind-the-scenes featurette, but it doesn't render the originals obsolete by any means. While the included booklet contains a great, trivia-filled interview with studio boss (and all-around awesome guy) Mike Raso, it cannot take the place of the commentary track for "Vampire's Seduction" that was part of the "Van Helsing" standalone DVD package. Fans of Seduction Cinema should NOT be without track, as it is a treasure trove of information that chronicles the entire history of the company. But the fact that so many extras were included with this new collection shows SC knows the movies are special, and people who see them are going to want more.

Release date is set for July 27, 2010 from www.alternativecinema.com

Sorry, the GeoCities web site you were trying to reach is no longer available.

2010-02-08T10:06:00.000-08:00

The internet sure is a different place than it was when I started the first Gonzoriffic review site back in 1998. Come to mention it, so was the landscape of low-budget film making. Back then, there was no YouTube. Computers were slower, and not everyone could make a website, let alone a movie. For a time, I was one of the only places on the web writing about these films, and in just a few short years, I had an archive of hundreds of movie reviews. It may not have been the nicest-looking site around, but it was mine, and there were many films and film makers within those pages that you couldn't read about anywhere else.

When I began making my own movies, it was around the time when things were in flux. Blogs were popping up all over the place. We started hearing about "viral videos". Next thing I knew, I looked back and there really was no need for a site like mine anymore. Still, whenever I saw a great little film I thought deserved some cyber ink, I hit the keys. Though I maxed out the allowable space at the archive, I carried on with this blog and wrote whenever I felt the urge. Was it pointless? I don't think so. My recent review of Steve Balderson's "Stuck!" not only was picked up by a major genre site by request, but it got me personally invited to the film's premiere.

Back in October, when Yahoo announced that its long-standing GeoCities sites would all go away, I dedicated myself to transferring all the reviews I could over to Netflix. It was a sad couple of evenings for many reasons, not just the fact that I was going to lose the pages I'd worked so tirelessly on for so many years. What bothered me most was that Netflix only allowed a certain number of words for each review, and there were MANY reviews on my site for films that never received any sort of professional distribution. The hand-made VHS tapes and DVDs that came from the directors and producers themselves directly to me. Seeing those go was hard to take.

It is my hope that the Gonzoriffic archive will one day be accessible via the "Way Back Machine" at http://www.archive.org/ in some form or another (the 1999 website for one of my old bands is there), even without the artwork that accompanied all the reviews. It would be a shame for films like Zeb Haradon's "Elevator Movie" not to show up in a Google search.

Until that time, this blog and Gonzoriffic's Netflix reviews are the best of what's left. I wish I could've published a book or something. Perhaps one day, someone will write the definitive volume about this stuff, and maybe they'll interview me for it :-)

SPLATTER CINEMA: The Toxic Avenger

2009-08-22T22:07:00.001-07:00

SPLATTER CINEMA: The Toxic Avenger
Originally uploaded by Dont Open Until Dooms Day

Don't you hate it when you show up to a party and someone's wearing the same outfit as you?

(Left to right) Blake, Toxie and I @ the Plaza for a screening of "The Toxic Avenger".

www.splatter-cinema.com
www.plazaatlanta.com

REVIEW: STUCK! (2009)

2009-08-12T02:07:00.000-07:00

Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. A new women in prison film (WIP for short) starring Karen Black, Mink Stole and one of the Go-Go's was shot less than two hours away from me and I didn't even know about it! I consider it a lost opportunity. I'm currently developing a nice, dark bruise on my left leg from kicking myself repeatedly with my right.

STUCK!, written and directed by Steve Balderson (PEP SQUAD, FIRECRACKER), is a gorgeous, black-and-white noir character piece that feels less like an homage and more like a newly discovered classic in the babes-behind-bars genre. Whereas Barak Epstein's PRISON A GO-GO opted to go the route of parody (owing more to Troma than to, say, the late Cirio H. Santiago), Balderson's film adheres closely to the things that make a great WIP flick, taking a serious and reverent approach resulting in a solid movie that truly delivers a punch. If you're looking for frequent shower scenes and cat fights, you won't find them here. Think pre-Laura Gemser and-pre Linda Blair and you're on the right track.

Starina Johnson plays Daisy, a lily-white, virginal young woman accused of murdering her invalid mother. Thanks to the eye witness testimony of a nosy neighbor lady (Karen Black), Daisy is wrongly convicted and sentenced to die by hanging. Once she gets locked down, we're introduced to the small group of prisoners who constitute the rest of the principal cast, and the requisite sadistic guard nicknamed Amazon (Stacy Cunningham). It's at this point the film really becomes a stage play, the intimate setting and proximity of the players serving to inhibit the growth of Daisy's character. Through her interactions with the other women and a polarizing experience at the gallows, it becomes evident that Daisy's life truly begins when she's facing death as a short-timer.

The main focus here is on the performances, and each leading lady has more than enough to chew on thanks to some well-developed writing. Balderson, together with writers Frank Krainz and Jon Niccum, add modern edge to the retro proceedings by throwing in occasional bits of dialog that include terms like "crack snacker", "tampon socket" and "finger blaster", but things never become self aware or tongue in cheek. It's played so straight, at times I forgot I was watching a new movie. Karen Black is left to do her trademark weird, internalized melodrama while Mink Stole rattles off faux speeches on morality, uttering lines like, "It isn't right for a Christian to pay taxes" that would fit nicely into a classic John Waters picture. Susan Traylor's monologue about murdering all of her husbands is a show-stopper, and the sex-through-bars sequence between Johnson and Pleasant Gehman (in my favorite performance of the entire film) is hot enough to make Doris Wishman proud.

Given the category of film it fits into, STUCK! contains several moments that hit hard, making it actually better than most of the movies that inspired it. Balderson's choice of a small cast and keeping the action contained to a minimal setting not only works to maintain the atmosphere of being locked in a jail cell, but it necessitates a great deal of creativity from a film making point of view. The fact that the movie works so well falls squarely on the shoulders of the actors, but competent camera work and editing (and some truly impressive lighting) aid in solidifying the feel of a true cult gem. Watching it is not unlike seeing SPIDER BABY, FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! or THE SADIST for the first time. You go in expecting a cheesy fun time, but it doesn't take long before you're completely gripped by what you're seeing.

REVIEW: SEXUAL PARASITE/KILLER PUSSY

2009-05-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

Combining elements of "Dead Alive", "The Thing", "Story Of Ricky", "Evil Dead" and centering on good ol' vagina dentata, "Killer Pussy" delivers on a level that cheap horror films rarely get close to. Busty, scantily-clad (or no-clad) ladies pass the pussy parasite from one to the other, elaving not only the mutilated genitalia of hapless males in their wake, but also chewing off one of the guys' faces! Featuring several gooey fight scenes where clothing gets ripped off and gratuitous no-budget gore to match the exposed flesh pound for pound, this was one kept me entertained from start to finish. The version I saw had no subtitles, but they weren't necessary, because awesome is universal. This was made a good two or three years before "Teeth", and is in my opinion far superior.

NOTE: I have since purchased the film, and there are two DVD versions available for sale right now. The "Killer Pussy" version has no English subtitles, that's why it's cheaper. The "Sexual Parasite" version is a couple bucks more, but has the subs and features reversible cover art so you can still display that awesome title.

TRAILER:

Sexual Parasite : Killer Pussy (Trailer)

FIGHT SCENE (NOT WORK SAFE):

Sexual parasite killer pussy

REVIEW: WONDER WOMAN (2009)

2009-03-04T11:39:00.000-08:00

Movie opens with the Amazon queen (Virginia Madsen) beheading her own son, laying out a complete origin story for her daughter who would become Wonder Woman. I admit I haven't read a comic book since I was 13, never was into DC, and wasn't too interested in these direct-to-video superhero cartoons before. But the opportunity to see the two main actors from Adrienne Shelley's "Waitress" (Keri Russell and Nathan Fillion) in yet another film directed by a female was too rare to pass up! It's got plenty of thrilling action and memorable dialog, and the filmmakers were very responsible as far as presenting Wonder Woman as a role model with added dimension. I was impressed at some of the gender issues this movie was able to tackle without being heavy handed or distracting. Definitely recommended!

REVIEW: CHOCOLATE

2009-03-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

JeeJa is my new hero. Not only does she perform insane stunts, kicks and punches in this movie, but she also displays equally astounding skills as a dramatic actor. Think Jackie Chan meets "Ichi The Killer" and you've got some idea of what's going on here, substituting breathtakingly awesome cinematography for goofy comedy and gore. Without the martial arts craziness, this would still be a great movie, and that's saying something.

REVIEW - Batbabe: The Dark Nightie

2009-02-11T09:10:00.001-08:00

For the first time since 2001's "Gladiator Eroticus", sexy spoof veteran Darian Caine receives top billing in a Seduction Cinema erotic parody. Longtime fans will be happy to know she remains in comedic top form, full of the sort of energy and attitude that made her a star in this genre in the first place. The film itself is also a top-notch production, directed by the very man who brought us all Darian's classic performances, John Bacchus. Like the previous release, "Iron Babe", this movie is actually a well-crafted parody that riffs perfectly on the plot and characters of the film it sends up ("Henrietta Bent", for example, flips a coin to decide if she's going to make it with a male or a female), and it plays up its cheap production value for maximum comedic effect. Welcome home, Darian. We've missed you.

gOnZoRiFFiC's Top 10 Films of 2008

2009-01-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

every year since 2001, i've picked a list of my favorite movies of the year and posted them online. it's always hard to narrow it down to ten (my list was originally twenty), so i'll add honorable mentions for the rest. here we go...

10. ROLE MODELS
Moves ahead of the incredible "Zack And Miri", "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and "Tropic Thunder" as the funniest movie of 2008 for me. In terms of joke-to-laughs ratio, it's the highest and most consistent. Fans of previous David Wain/State alumnus pictures "The Ten" and "Wet Hot American Summer" will find this to be a more mainstream comedy, but in terms of dialog it's definitely on par with those. Jane Lynch steals absolutely every scene she's in: "I'm in good standing with the local judge. Not to get too graphic, but I used to suck his dick for drug money."

09. THE PERIOD
Finally, the no-budget digital filmmaking revolution has produced its first true underground epic. "The Period" was made by fearless art school students armed with gallons and gallons of fake blood, effectively picking up where John Waters left off in the 70s and taking that style to Matthew Barney-inspired new frontiers. I am honored to be the first person to review this film here, as "The Period" is possibly the best camcorder movie I've ever seen.

08. SICK NURSES
I can't give the fully clothed shower scenes a pass, but otherwise, this is one of the most visually interesting and creatively photographed horror films in quite some time. Featuring some very memorable death scenes, "Sick Nurses" is the cure for anyone burned out on Asian horror films.

07. SMART PEOPLE
Incredible film like "The Savages", a nearly flawless meld of drama and comedy featuring multiple layered characters. As much as I enjoyed all the performances, Thomas Haden Church absolutely steals this flick from everybody with his turn as Dennis Quaid's burnout adoptive brother. Could have easily been a throwaway comic relief role but instead was the highlight of the film for me. Outstanding writing and direction, will be overlooked come Oscar season.

06. GONZO: THE LIFE AND WORK OF HUNTER S. THOMPSON
Near-perfect, and one of the best films of 2008, this documentary spends most of its running time covering Thompson's political writing in order to help illustrate the conflicted final sentiments expressed in the film's conclusion by people who knew Thompson the best. Featuring some really creative editing that heavily incorporates the artwork of Ralph Steadman, this is truly a great companion piece to Terry Gilliam's now-classic 1998 film "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", and a very loving tribute to one of the most innovative, original and influential journalists who ever lived. it's moving, funny, and extremely thought-provoking. My only criticism would be the fact that approximately 20 years of Thompson's life (1980-2000) is pretty much skipped over, which is a bit disappointing considering the film's title.

05. THE RUINS
More like "Evil Dead" and "The Thing" than most every film that claims to be, this is less a monster movie and more a survival picture. Surprisingly intense, not on the level that "Turistas" was but definitely more gruesome (I had to look away once, and winced several times), "The Ruins" joins the ranks of great little horror movies that take place in a minimal setting. Definitely a movie every low-budget filmmaker could learn from, particularly how they managed to create so much suspense and shoot one set so many different ways. Better than expected.

04. STUCK
Stuart Gordon's best since "Castle Freak" (really his best film since the 80s) combines true crime and social commentary with Gordon's requisite dark humor and gore. While the actual case it's based on is horrifying enough on its own (and up to a point, doesn't deviate much at all from what really happened), "Stuck" maintains a tense and exciting pace throughout. Definitely one of the better horror films this year.

03. SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK
Charlie Kaufman's epic, no question about it. I'm not a good enough writer to put into words just how huge and important a film this was to me, suffice to say that it's one of the best movies I've ever seen. Just sad enough to leave an impression, just creative enough to be unlike anything else in theaters, and just weird enough to be fun as fuck. Synecdoche is an odd title that stands fora gigantic achievement in film and storytelling. You and your friends will be talking about this one for days, and I believe as the years go by, you'll think about it more and more. Highest possible recommendation.

02. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
I almost NEVER enjoy vampire movies, but "Let The Right One In" is exceptional in every way. Anyone who was ever bullied as a kid, had trouble standing up for yourself, wished for an imaginary friend who would kill (or at least help beat the shit out of) your enemies will really connect with this flick. The main characters are twelve-year-olds, but don't expect "Harry Potter" here. It's moody, gory, sensitive, beautiful, unpredictable and quietly powerful. The ending is among the best I have ever seen. Completely satisfying and highly recommended.

01. GIRLS ROCK
Here it is, the 100% far and away champion greatest fucking movie I saw all year. You know a movie is good when you never want it to end, and that's how "Girls Rock" played for me. It will be available January 27th on DVD (go to girlsrockmovie.com for ordering info) and I already reserved my copy. Not only will I watch it over and over, but I'll show it to everyone who comes to my house and I'll bring it to all my friends' houses for them to see as well. Rather than explain exactly why I loved it so much, I'll just show you the trailer...

HONORABLE MENTION: BE KIND REWIND, CHOKE, CHRISTMAS ON MARS, FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL, HANCOCK, PINEAPPLE EXPRESS, POULTRYGEIST, TROPIC THUNDER, ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO

ALL OVER THE PLACE...gah!

2008-09-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

Looking at the lack of updates to my review blog here, you'd think I quit watching movies altogether, when in fact the truth is quite the opposite. Last year, two significant things happened which served as catalysts for me seeing more films than ever before: my Netflix subscription and the opening of an arthouse theater just a few blocks from where I work. The days of exhausting all the cool stuff at local video shops are gone, and have given way to a near-infinite viewing selection. What I'm saying is, if I want to see it, I can probably do so.

There are a few contributing factors that have kept me from writing here about the stuff I've been watching, the main one being the complete and utter bullshit known as Flixster. This is a website that allows you to rate films using a star system (something I have always avoided doing on my own site) and write brief reviews. The convenient part is, it's connected to Facebook and Myspace, sites I log into regularly. The good part is that the reviews I write using the Flixster app allow Gonzoriffic fans and friends to receive visible notices when I've posted a new review. The bad news is, there is no cross-over between the app on Myspace, Facebook or the Flixster site. In other words, I'd have to post the review at all three sites for it to show up on them. If I post a Flixster review while logged in at Myspace, the Facebook folks can't see it. Neither does the actual Flixster site. Attempts at syncing them up have resulted in several of the reviews I'd done at Myspace getting deleted. Even if I did it carefully, it would still be a pain in the ass to sync up the app at each individual site everytime. Fuck that, it's stupid.

I write reviews at Netflix also. Not for every movie I rent, but for the ones I think deserve it. One thing I've noticed about Netflix is that, while they carry tons of new shot-on-video low budget stuff, most of it is complete and utter garbage. Just because something is shot on high-quality video doesn't make it a good movie. What I notice is people who buy (or rent) expensive cameras think it excuses them from having to learn to shoot competently and write good scripts. Sorry, that just doesn't fly. Today's technology gives anyone with a decent camera and computer the opportunity to be a filmmaker, but there's much more to it than that. It isn't considered cinematography when mom picks up the camcorder to shoot little Jimmy's 5th birthday party, so it definitely isn't when "filmmakers" take a similarly thoughtless approach to shooting their movie. In short, if I know for a fact I could've done better myself, then you suck. The end.

Speaking of making movies, I'll admit that a lot of my time is spent on working on Gonzoriffic's homegrown projects. If you go to gonzoriffic.livejournal.com or visit our Myspace page, you can read the oft-updated production blog. We're about to film a new movie in about three weeks, and I have at least two more in the early script stages. To say I'm consumed by making movies would be pretty accurate. I'm trying to learn more about lighting and set design and photography in general, and have made great strides just in the last 10 months. Compared to where we were when we started over 5 years ago, the progress has been amazing, and inspires me like you wouldn't believe.

I'll find a way to get the reviews thing streamlined somehow, so it stays consistent and valid and worth your time. I enjoyed doing the MP3 thing, so I may continue on with that. One thing's for sure, I am and always will be in love with movies, and will always have something incredible to recommend to you. Just ask.

GIRLS ROCK!, TEETH, AN AMERICAN CRIME, EROTIC WEREWOLF IN LONDON

2008-05-08T17:13:00.000-07:00

As promised, here's my first attempt at doing movie reviews in streaming audio format (you can also download the show as mp3). Check it out HERE.

LINK: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/gonzoriffic/2008/05/06/Gonzoriffic-6-PLAID

Gonzoriffic Internerd Radio

2008-05-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

It's not that I haven't been watching movies. It's not that I haven't been writing about them. Safari has been a bitch since the fall and all my attempts to upload artwork to correspond with my reviews have failed miserably. I don't get it. BUT ALL IS NOT LOST! Here's the plan, so hear me out:

First thing, Gonzoriffic Reviews has kinda gotten swallowed up by larger sites now giving attention to the sort of films that you used to only be able to find reviews for on small pages like mine. For years, info about said flicks existed only in the dark corners of the web, but no more. Since then, I have been thinking of ways to stay interesting and valid, trying not to let our original in-house productions overshadow the fact that I am still very much in love with no-budget cinema and cult film. I have also struggled with the fact that over the years I have become personal friends with many of the filmmakers whose work I championed on my site, and it became tough to seem unbiased. Writing about your buddies' movies all the time is just not the thing to do. Especially when they start to count on you for good reviews. I don't wanna be that guy, ever.
So right now, my plan is to see if streaming internet radio/podcasting is the right venue for me. There are tons of entertainment and even horror film based shows out there, but I have yet to stumble upon one that talks about the kind of films Gonzoriffic always covered on this site (and of course our huge Geocities archive). I have created gOnZoRiFFiC BlogTalkRadio and there are a couple of test shows available now, not as much film related as they are just figuring out how it works. In keeping with the time of day low-budget movies are most often viewed, the show will air weekly anywhere from 1 to 3am EST, and I have call-in capability that will allow me to have guests on and other such tomfoolery. I can also include purchase links for Amazon if you wanna actually buy one of the movies I talk about.

We'll see where this goes. If anyone's still reading, Thank you. I haven't forgotten and I have a TON of movies to talk about.

WHAT'S NEW 2008

2008-01-14T12:51:00.001-08:00

The remaining months of 2007 were spent toiling endlessly on FAKE BLOOD, Gonzoriffic's very own feature film. If you'd like to check out the trailer, go here. DVDs are chock full of bonus material including a new short by Shasta Fairchild (2004's SHIT FILLED CUPCAKES) and only cost 8 bucks! We received excellent reviews from Pretty-Scary.net and Neon Madness so we're very happy.
I've seen a lot of good movies in the last few months and will do my best to report on a few of them here to make up for so much lost time. Now go buy our movie.

FROM BEYOND on DVD!!!

2007-09-12T17:04:00.001-07:00

everyone who collects movies has a little list in their heads of stuff they love that isn't out on DVD at all. yesterday i was finally able to scratch one off of mine. FROM BEYOND finally came out yesterday.

i can't really complain about how much they changed the classic poster art. the original gave away the monster in pretty close-up detail so now it at least has somewhat of an air of mystery (even if the new image doesn't really represent anything in the actual film). and even though they put the director's name above the title without an apostrophe + S so it looks like he's the star or something, it's what's inside that matters. the new DVD features footage that was ordered to be removed by the MPAA in 1986 so it could get an R rating - - only MGM inexplicably ponied up the time and cash to digitally clean up the lost bits so they look perfect enough to put right back into the film seamlessly where they belong (rather than in a "deleted scenes" feature). gordon is joined on the commentary track by producer brian yuzna and stars jeffrey combs and barbara crampton, and although there are dead spots they share a lot of information that fans like me just eat up. like a gingerbread man.

in the 80s, director stuart gordon made three horror movies for empire pictures: one is the legendary RE-ANIMATOR (one of my top 5 movies of all time!), one is the forgettable DOLLS and the other is FROM BEYOND. RE-ANIMATOR and FROM BEYOND share much in common. they both star combs and crampton (who would re-untite with gordon in the 90s for the downbeat monster drama CASTLE FREAK), they're both based on stories by h.p. lovecraft and they both feature loads of awesome special fx and perverse sexual overtones (i'd like to read a paper psychoanalyzing these two). it's obvious when they made FROM BEYOND they tried to tone it down a bit, which is why RE-ANIMATOR will always be better, but it's still one hell of a great horror movie. you don't see anyone giving performances like combs and crampton anymore, definitely not in the same movie as leads. he wasn't scared to go over the top as a character, she wasn't scared to get totally naked and wrestle with gooey monsters!

little things like this can make my entire week. so even if you don't care, you should at least know i'm happy like christmas morning.

REVIEW: SPLATTER BEACH

2007-09-04T10:33:00.002-07:00

Twin brothers Mark and John Polonia have proven themselves several times over since 1987's SPLATTER FARM as masters of ultra low-budget monster moviemaking in its 100% purest form, and their latest SPLATTER BEACH proves they are still no couple of slouches when it comes to flat-out fun schlock entertainment. Camp Motion Pictures, up to this point known for restoring and rereleasing 1980s video gorefests on DVD chose the Polonias as directors of its first in-house production. With the assistance of Pop Cinema (formerly EI Cinema) alumnus Misty "Erin Brown" Mundae and Erika Smith (SEXY ADVENTURES OF VAN HELSING) along with cameraman (and monster film maker himself) Brett Piper, the brothers have created their own cheap modern homage to cheap bikini creature features of the atomic age. Sexy girls on the beach? Check! Tireless reporter whom no one believes? Check! Guy in a green monster suit? Check! Light on bloody special fx but heavy on b-movie cheese, SPLATTER BEACH only comes up short living up to its title. But that in itself is a hallmark of old-school low-budget horror, is it not? Erika Smith is once again outstanding, making a throwaway bimbo role her own as she plays it like she walked right out of a 1960's drive-in movie, and the bizarre Ken Van Sant is a riot as a ridiculously homophobic bodybuilder.

The highlight of this DVD is a well-produced career retrospective on the Polonia Brothers that features photos of the boys with their very first cameras as they chronicle their life of b-filmmaking via detailed interviews. This is great stuff not only for fans of these guys but for anyone who wants to make their own movies, or anyone who ever tried. Their passion is obvious, their enthusiasm is boundless, and their dedication is seemingly eternal. With this release, you get a real sense of Mark and John Polonia getting their due for all their years of hard work.

REVIEW: DEFENCELESS

2007-09-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

It came as no surprise to me after watching this film that Susanne Hausschmid won a best actress award at the Melbourne Underground Film Festival for her performance as "The Woman" in Mark Savage's absolutely gut-wrenching DEFENCELESS: A BLOOD SYMPHONY. Without the use of dialog, the film tells the story of a woman (Hausschmid) who loses absolutely everything when she becomes the target of a group of land developers who want to destroy a beautiful beach so they can build a vacation resort. You will not believe the lengths that these men go to, you will not believe what the woman endures. Murder, humiliation, torture and rape are just the beginning in the first film I have ever seen that elevates the revenge genre above its grindhouse roots and manages to create a truly emotional experience without skimping on the elements that make up this kind of movie. Is there nudity? Yes, and very matter-of-fact. Is there gore? Buckets and buckets full. But along the way there is so much soul, so much sadness, and so much beauty that cuts just as deep as any of the abhorrent violence shown. DEFENCELESS is at times difficult to watch, as it should be given the subject matter, but Savage and Hausschmid are an amazing team that have managed to create a film I believe is the first one of its ilk to actually strike the correct balance of crime and punishment, character and action, horror and heart. Highly recommended.

REVIEW: BAD REPUTATION

2007-09-04T10:31:00.001-07:00

After reading so many positive things about Jim Hemphill's BAD REPUTATION and having it recommended to me by multiple friends, I was ready for the second coming of rape-revenge cinema. Despite a couple of spot-on performances and an inspired script, the film itself I think suffers from a split personality crisis. What is being sold as a sexy, bloody thriller is more like a Lifetime television movie with moments of harsh violence and amateur gore effects. Angelique Hennessy is excellent in the lead role as Michelle, a withdrawn high school girl who becomes the object of adolescent cruelty and torment when she's branded a "slut" by the popular girls after being brutally assaulted at a party by their jock boyfriends. Hemphill and crew do a fine job of setting up a very realistic scenario and making the viewer really feel horrible for Michelle, it's when they decide to throw in graphically detailed moments of exploitation in the rape and subsequent revenge that things really go south for me. Thematically and tonally speaking, BAD REPUTATION would have worked so much better had they either not tried to make it like I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (victim returns as a sexpot to lure the guilty to their deaths) and instead kept the realistically dramatic feel that the film's first act pulls off so successfully. By the time Michelle decapitates a classmate at a Halloween party, the movie is just impossible to take seriously due to the corny way each of her tormentors meets his or her demise, nearly ruining a well-acted and intense closing scene. To put it simply: I wish the filmmakers would have chosen either the exploitation route or the afterschool special route, not such an off-balance mix of both.

REVIEW: BLOOD ON THE GLASS SLIPPER

2007-07-17T20:16:00.000-07:00

Heather Dixon and Joe Trione graduate from kung fu comedy to expletive exploitation in their sophomore short film BLOOD ON THE GLASS SLIPPER, proving that true grindhouse-style moviemaking is best left in the hands of people with no money and nothing to lose, and that it takes more than putting fake dirt and scratches on your video to do it right. Beginning with the sound of screeching tires over a black title screen, SLIPPER is an excellent 16-minute homage to the rough-and-ready 70s classics LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT and I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE complete with bickering criminals and machete-wielding chicks out for bloody revenge. Trione once again gives a completely over the top performance as the head of the gang of kidnappers, verbally and physically assaulting anyone and anything that happens to be in the same frame as his character. You can tell he's seen the right movies and understands the audience for exploitation film very well. Heather Dixon and her busty counterpart Jessica Cox counteract Trione's energized antics with believable reactions and stone cold female badass when it's time to turn the tables. Combined with absolutely outstanding photography, editing and music placement, it all adds up to 16 minutes of honest to goodness intensity that's great not because the filmmakers purposely tried to make a "bad" movie but rather they succeeded in making a fucking brilliant one.

Watch this film in its entirety on YouTube here and don't be surprised if the next movie from Dixon and Trione finally gets them the credit they truly deserve.

REVIEW: BETTY BLOWTORCH AND HER AMAZING TRUE LIFE ADVENTURES

2007-06-05T19:56:00.001-07:00

I was in junior high when my friend Mark played us a song called "Ugly" from the Butt Trumpet album. I thought it was stupid and wished the females in the band were in a band that was less stupid. By the time the women in Butt Trumpet formed their new band Betty Blowtorch I wasn't really into the kind of stuff they did, but I liked the idea and was saddened when I heard their singer Bianca was killed in an auto accident. It's the kind of story perfect for a Behind The Music episode if only Betty Blowtorch had been a more famous band to start with, but that doesn't make it any less important.

The documentary BETTY BLOWTORCH began innocently enough as just a music video, then a label-sponsored album and tour document, and finally served as a eulogy for one of the most dedicated individuals in the history of indie rock. A poor audio mix often requires the viewer to turn up the interviews and turn down the concert footage, but I started to think perhaps that was the filmmaker's idea (after all, live rock music isn't quiet). I also had to fast-forward through scenes of Vanilla Ice rapping on the band's album (???). But the movie is otherwise solid. Through interviews and archival footage, the story begins with Butt Trumpet and follows all the way through the aftermath of Bianca's death. As a musician who spent the better part of a decade in varous bands and clubs, I identified with and admired the struggle to get along and make it in the face of all sorts of adversity and obstacles.

Although the film seems to clearly side with Bianca during a major time of crisis within the band, it does an otherwise decent job of objectively presenting its subject. The most powerful moment documented, however, is found in the special features and not in the film itself. Bianca's dad reads a eulogy at her memorial service that moved me to tears. Her story would make a great movie by itself! Now if someone will just release The Gits movie, I'll be really happy.

REVIEW: BARE BEHIND BARS

2007-05-10T19:10:00.001-07:00

Get this Italian-made WIP flick and fast-forward through all the standard fights, showers, lesbionics and body cavity inspections that litter the boring first hour. Trust me, it's all "eeew". You won't like it.

Once the ladies escape and run loose in town, this one gets good. In the final 20 minutes or so, there's not one but two of the most memorable dick-severing sequences in memory! That's right, they're not castrating fellas, they're cutting mister peepee OFF. One unlucky gentleman's member is thrown to the family dog to quiet it down (!!!) and another pays for his sex crimes by having his fed to him. I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE has nothing on BARE BEHIND BARS as far as this kind of thing goes, but that's about all it has to offer.

REVIEW: CHEEKY!

2007-05-10T19:09:00.001-07:00

I checked this out after reading a review that compared filmmaker Tinto Brass to Russ Meyer, along the lines of "what Meyer was to breasts, Brass is to ass" or something to that effect. So you can imagine what I was expecing: huge naked bootys all over the place!

While the asses are of underwhelming size, I will say they are a-plenty in CHEEKY. Brass's camera is most often fixated on the lower half of the female anatomy, namely the pelvic area, front and back. From the opening scene in the park, if you get your kicks from looking up skirts then you'll think you've gone to heaven with this movie. It's simply everywhere. Tons of nudity, sure, but the only similarity I saw to Meyer's work was the use of dildos when an actual penis would be shown. But whereas the cartoonish nature of Meyer's films kinda lends itself to this, Brass portrays things a bit more realistically and it didn't work as well. You'd see a Tinto Brass picture on Cinemax before you'd see a Russ Meyer. Just sayin'. I'd classify one as "erotica" and the other as "exploitation".

Actually, never mind. Now that I think back on it, CHEEKY has some moments that seemed like porno due to the gonzo-style camera angles and detailed closeups of orifices. Orifi. What's the plural of orifice?

REVIEW: CHRISTINA (1985)

2007-05-02T15:37:00.002-07:00

In between HOLLYWOOD HOT TUBS and RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, author and B-movie starlet Jewel Shepard went to Spain and made this film. Most well-known for featuring a fully nude or topless Shepard throughout its running time, CHRISTINA was written by the ultra-prolific cult figure Harry Alan Towers with the original intention of being an ongoing series. Shepard plays the title role, a rich nymphomaniac exhibitionist who appears to be allergic to clothing, spending as much time as possible in her birthday suit with her male friends. If you've ever read Jewel's book IF I'M SO FAMOUS you either wanted to see CHRISTINA really bad or you hoped to never lay eyes on it.

I was expecting this to be kinda soft-focus and boring, but when the movie picks up things are surprisingly bizarre. Christina gets kidnapped by lesbian terrorists (!!!) and is given away as a prize to the winner of a karate match (!!!), only to become an object of jealousy and passed around among the sapphic soldiers. The womens' outfits look like rejects from the Solid Gold dancers and come apart real easy during combat. Weirdest of all are the lesbian sex scenes, though. Get this - when things start to get hot n' heavy, the scene switches to Jewel lying on a white sheet in a smoke-filled tent while black-gloved hands run toy cars across her naked body as she writhes in ecstasy! TOY CARS. This happens twice, and the second time the hands use a toy truck and army tank to give her jollies.

The most unfortunate thing about this film is the shoddy DVD transfer, which is full screen and dark and muddy most of the time. Several poorly-lit outdoor scenes are rendered devoid of much detail, ruining otherwise "money" shots of Miss Shepard. Since its only selling point is the amount of skin displayed by its star, CHRISTINA kind of shoots itself in the foot by presenting most of these scenes far too darkly to see much of anything. However, it is worth watching for reasons beyond the frequent nudity as the bad dubbing and hilarious lesbian tomfoolery make it a memorable cult film obscurity. See it to say you saw it, that's what I did.

REVIEW: FEMALE VAMPIRE

2007-04-19T14:19:00.001-07:00

Ultra-prolific sleaze merchant Jess Franco has made films for decades under 30 or 40 different names, I've seen several of them, and I can't say that I'm a huge fan. His stuff is a bit too slow-moving and arty for my MTV-ized sensibilities, but one thing I can say for sure: his choice to cast Lina Romay in so many of his films was genius. Because Lina Romay is beautiful.

In 1973's FEMALE VAMPIRE, Romay plays the title character. This flick has been released under many different titles (including EROTIKILL and BARE BREASTED COUNTESS) with varying degrees of sex and violence. The version I saw contained countless scenes of Romay walking around wearing nothing but her vampire cape, black belt and boots. There were also several scenes where she's writhing in bed humping a pillow or whatever, complete with Franco's camera repeatedly zooming into her crotch. It's definitely not something I understood or was particularly entertained by, but Romay makes it all worthwhile.

It should be noted that the cover image of Romay with blood dripping from her mouth (the same one that adorns Andy Black's NECRONOMICON II) doesn't appear in this cut of the film. In the DVD extras there are scenes from the EROTIKILL version, and that's where you'll find it. I can't remember seeing a drop of blood in FEMALE VAMPIRE. But it has Lina Romay. You get what I'm saying?

REVIEW: THRILLER - A CRUEL PICTURE

2007-04-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

Before more well-known cult revenge films I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and MS. 45 there was 1974's Swedish exploitation classic THRILLER (also known as THEY CALL HER ONE EYE and HOOKER'S REVENGE). Although it's not near as interesting to watch as later entries of its ilk, it does have some really great moments of slow-motion kills and surprising gore. The plot is simple: a girl named Madeleine (Christina Lindberg) misses the bus to school and accepts a ride from a stranger. A stranger who uses heroin to turn her into a hooker. Soon as she manages to escape, she finds both her parents have died, and thus begins training for her rampage of vengeance. You can imagine how the rest of this plays out.

What really made THRILLER stand out for me were two key elements: the inclusion of harcore penetration shots in the sex scenes (very obviously added later, the walls in the room change color from shot to shot) and the close-up of a pimp's scalpel going into a hooker's eyeball. It looks real because it IS real! Lindberg revealed in a recent interview that an actual corpse of a suicide victim was used for the shot. Man they have some really f'd up laws in Sweden. Or someone was a huge movie buff. Anyway, the limited edition DVD from Synapse Films shown above clocks in at 107 minutes and has all the sex and violence. The "Vengeance Edition" shown below runs 104 minutes and only has the bloody stuff. The limited edition had a great collection of trailers for the movie, not sure if they're on the other disc or not.

For anyone wondering what a "grindhouse" movie is, this is the genuine article.

REVIEW: HORROR BUSINESS

2007-04-09T15:53:00.002-07:00

What's with angry whiteboys making camcorder horror films? Filmmaker Chris Garetano put together this excellent documentary profiling a small handful of caucasian auteurs (including AMERICAN MOVIE's Mark Borchardt) showing clips from their films and explaining why they do what they do, peppered with commentary by well-known cult film figures H.G. Lewis, Joe Bob Briggs, Lloyd Kaufman and Sid Haig, all of whom offer very useful insight about the world of low-budget horror (some of which seems to go against the asthetic of up-and-coming directors interviewed in the doc).

I found it a bit strange that the Hollywood many of the featured filmmakers are speaking ill about is currently producing gory, torture-filled bloodbaths that are just as extreme in many cases as the stuff they themselves are struggling to produce. Horror isn't what it was 5 or 10 years ago, and the kind of depravity you used to look to the underground for is now showcased at the local multiplex. Coupled with the fact that so many kids now have access to digital cameras and editing software, I was left wondering just how these guys plan on surviving in an increasingly flooded marketplace. The high point of HORROR BUSINESS for me was getting to see Ron Atkins, director of SCHIZOPHRENIAC: THE WHORE MANGLER (still one of the craziest indies ever made) and the guy who played the psycho in that film. Garetano also displays considerable skills as an editor; this thing flows extremely well and is just as high-quality as anything you'd see on IFC.

Joe Bob Briggs and H.G. Lewis offer the greatest words of wisdom in this movie. Briggs notes that the worst movies are made by people who are merely copying their heroes, (I can attest to this) while Lewis reminds us the bottom line is entertaining your audience. There's a reason why people still love to watch BLOOD FEAST; it knows exactly what it is and delivers the goods in an up-front, unpretentious way. Sounds a bit more like Hollywood cheese and less like art to me.

REVIEW: THE BREASTFORD WIVES

2007-04-09T15:53:00.001-07:00

Third in a seemingly ongoing series of boobie-movies shot in the same house, H.R. Blueberry's THE BREASTFORD WIVES will look very familiar to those who have seen his previous flicks THE WITCHES OF BREASTWICK and LUST CONNECTION (said house also looks to be the same one 2003's CHEERLEADER MASSACRE was filmed in as well). While advertised as something of a spoof on STEPFORD WIVES, this movie is much closer to cable porn and only features one or two jokes. However, if you are looking for quality softcore tomfoolery, you'll feel like you hit the lotto if you catch this one on Skinemax. Husband and wife (Glori Ann Gilbert) show up in new neighborhood. Neighborhood is filled with nymphos. Guy does it with everybody except the other guy in the movie (a scientist who somehow created the nymphos).

The always likeable Gilbert (from LUST CONNECTION, VAMPS 2) leads a supporting cast that includes longtime Gonzoriffic favorite Julie K. Smith (BARE WENCH PROJECT, DALLAS CONNECTION) and a couple of hardcore porn stars, one of whom has a giant letter F tattooed on her crotch. Perhaps she's a Seame Street fan, I can't be sure. Gilbert and Smith turn in energetic, interesting performances as always, saving this movie from being just another tittyfest. The cast do it in the same wooded area, jacuzzi tub and hot tub where they do it in LUST CONNECTION and BREASTWICK. There's a lot of funny dialog but I don't think it was intentional. This movie plays more like porno than anything else Blueberry has made so far.

REVIEW: PALINDROMES

2007-04-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

Next month Todd Solondz will begin shooting LIFE DURING WARTIME, a sequel of sorts to his cult classic HAPPINESS. I couldn't be more excited. Solondz, without copying him, has become the closest thing to John Waters since John Waters. In THIS FILTHY WORLD Waters tells the audience Solondz is one of his favorite new filmmakers, so there you go. I'm right.

After HAPPINESS and the overdone misstep that was STORYTELLING, Wellspring Entertainment quietly released PALINDROMES, which ties in with Solondz' first feature WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE and then goes off in a completely freaky direction only to return at the end to its suburban scum roots. It's the story of Aviva, a juvenile female whose desire to become a mother leads her on something of an adventure though seedy motels, bizarre halfway houses and even a graphic pro-life shooting. All the while, Solondz makes the interesting choice of having Aviva played by a variety of actors. And when I say variety, I mean they range from children to teens to adults, black to white, dressed in the same wardrobe. It's one of the coolest things I have ever seen. Seriously. It's less outwardly comedic than the other Solondz flicks, but only because the jokes when they happen are really dark and not always punctuated by a smash edit that lets you know you are supposed to have laughed.

PALINDROMES is nothing short of a masterwork by one of today's most consistently interesting and genuinely shocking filmmakers. Highly recommended if you can goddamn find it. One thing that never seems to change about the truly great stuff: they bury it.

REVIEW: BARE WENCH PROJECT III

2007-04-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

I reviewed both previous entries in this series over at the old site, but this 2001 production somehow got by me till now. I saw it in the "erotic" section at my local video shop on VHS right near the Playboy and Girls Gone Wild stuff. No wonder I never saw it.

Not much new here but if you like boobies, particularly those of Julie K Smith, this is the film for you. The setup, events and humor are exactly the same as the other 2 movies: a group of bikini models with an aversion to keeping their tops on venture into the woods searching for the legendary Bare Wench, along the way abusing and amusing Lunk (Lenny Juliano), their pack mule. The original film's Julie K Smith is back, this time as "Zoe", leading the expedition in breast size and Wench-hunting know-how, and she's joined by her SURVIVORS EXPOSED (aka BARENAKED SURVIVOR) castmate Shauna O' Brien and some others I didn't recognize. Nikki Fritz and Julie Strain both make great cameos, as does the late Andy Sidairs returning as shopkeeper Richard "Dick" Bigdickian.

This is the kind of fun stuff you don't see near enough of these days. Sure they keep makingthe same movie over and over, but if it's a good movie you won't have any complaints from me. Keep Smith as close to the camera as often as possible and they can make a hundered of these. According to IMDB, this one was followed by BARE WENCH PROJECT: UNCENSORED in 2003 and BARE WENCH: THE FINAL CHAPTER in 2005. If anyone knows where I can get these, leave a comment.

REVIEW: THE PASSING

2007-03-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

This is a short dramatic piece centering on a fellow named Sean (Johnny Alonso) whose wife has just died, and we the audience get to experience his intense grief right alongside his best friend Adam (Clayton Myers) as Sean emotes endlessly out loud for the duration if the movie. Depending on your experience with death, this movie will hit you as a movie-watcher one of two ways. If you've ever lost someone suddenly that you care deeply about, you will no doubt identify with the kind of things that come out of Sean's mouth. Thoughts that would normally go unspoken are aired without hesitation between sniffles, sighs and hollow stares at the floor, often peppered liberally with the "f" word. The film doesn't let you get to know the deceased or let you in on too much about his relationship with her; the viewer is instead thrust headlong into Sean's grieving process and stays there, save for a couple quick flashbacks to happier times that reveal nothing about his wife's character. "The Passing" is powerfully written in terms of dialog and it is evident the filmmaker knows these emotions well, and Alonso's performance is certainly believable. If you've been through this, "The Passing" will ring true for you at least in some places.

But for those wanting more of a complete movie experience, this short will leave you feeling a bit unfulfilled. After all, it is but a piece of a larger story. If you fail to connect with Sean or his friend right away because you didn't get the benefit of knowing the deceased, you run the risk of experiencing the character's sadness the way the bar patrons and other movie extras do. You will feel like you're on the outside of what is happening and the movie will not affect you in the intended manner, instead feeling more like a vehicle for star Alonso to yell and cry and show off his acting skill while the others just kinda stand there and react to him. Adam, his girlfriend Mary (Lisa Rogers) and Sean's wife Annette (in the flashbacks) get much much less to do in the movie. Of all the performances, I actually found Rogers' to be the most affecting and realistic from my experience. When she cries looking at a photo of herself with Annette, I got all sniffly.

"The Passing" is an all-around top-notch production with appropriately moody music, fluid camera movement and professional lighting. Definitely one of the best-looking movies to come my way in a good while. You can watch it for free by going to 100dimension.com right now. And while you're at it, check out Black Ink Films Myspace Page.

REVIEW: JESUS CAMP

2007-01-30T16:18:00.000-08:00

While Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady's Oscar-nominated documentary JESUS CAMP centers on the slow decay of the separation of church and state in Bush Jr.-era USA, to me it is a film about child abuse. At a summer camp for kids in North Dakota, a pentecostal minister admittedly "uses" children and their families to further the political agenda of the evangelical christian right. She is shown seriously praying to God to bless her Powerpoint presentation, speaking in gibberish, and forcefully denouncing Harry Potter as an evil warlock. One woman home-schooling her kids teaches them "science never proved anything" and compares arming young people with such knowledge to extremists in other parts of the world teaching 6-year-olds how to use a machine gun.

Ewing and Grady do an excellent job of presenting these characters in a very truthful way, very unobstructed by any sort of bias they may personally have toward the rational point of view. Rationality is thankfully represented in this film by christian radio commentator Mike Papantonio ("Ring Of Fire") who offers occasional insight as to the damage these folks are really doing to these kids, the country, the planet, and humanity as whole. The saddest part in this writer's opinion is the fact that several of these kids are intelligent, articulate and naturally kind. Seeing them made to cry and get on their knees and throw their arms around a life-size cardboard cutout of president Bush is heartbreaking. Not only are they being deprived of the sort of fun life every kid deserves, but they are being mangled, warped and lied to by politically-motivated authority figures. I hope these young peoples' smarts eventually lead them to reason before they become little Timothy McVeighs and Paul Hills.

Mercifully short and devoid of Michael Moore-type dramatics, JESUS CAMP is less about religious weirdos (see George Ratliff's 2001 doc HELL HOUSE) and more about the roots of supremacy.

REVIEW: TERROR TOONS 2

2007-01-30T15:42:00.000-08:00

In my 2002 write-up on the first TERROR TOONS, I used words like "bizarre" and "original" to describe FX master Joe Castro's wild cinematic trip. Five years later, it has attained cult status and remains one of the most creative and ambitious low-budget genre films ever made. So when I got word that a sequel was completed, I was quite literally unable to imagine what it could possibly be like. Would it be more of the same, or (gasp!) even weirder?

Dear readers, Castro and nimble-fingered editor Steven J. Escobar have not only topped themselves, but they have succeeded in creating what I can only describe as an exploding vomit-bag of cartoon color, sound and fury. From its 10-minute opening sequence featuring b-movie legend Brinke Stevens as a giant witch to the G.I. Joe in Hell climax, TERROR TOONS 2: THE SICK AND SILLY SHOW is, and I shit you not, a wall-to-wall eye-popping FX madhouse. Everything in this movie either screams, bleeds, pukes, mutates, burns or explodes - and some of the unluckiest ones do all of the above and more. Castro and Escobar use a combination of gore, puppetry, creature suits, blue screen, digital and frame-by-frame animation to pull off a comedic massacre 10 times as supercharged as the first film. The excellent lighting, looney-tune score and sound effects only serve to elevate this movie to an almost unclassifiable category.

No one is making movies like this. I don't think any sane filmmaker would even think this stuff up, let alone attempt to actually bring it to life. It's like someone took Joe Dante's segment of TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE and let Peter Jackson, John Waters and Tex Avery handle everything else. Folks, this is comedic creature carnage at its absolute finest. Fans of HAPPY TREE FRIENDS, as well as connoisseurs of imaginative horror deaths will definitely eat this one up. And later on, when they get sick, their vomit will most likely be filled with neon confetti.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE TRAILER!

REVIEW: VIVA

2007-01-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

Never before has a modern film so perfectly succeeded in capturing the look, style and feel of the 70's Sexploitation classics. Anna Biller's VIVA is an explosion of color, humor and schlock done to the nines,
besting attempts made by far bigger-budgeted flicks like AUSTIN POWERS and GRINDHOUSE in truly recreating a bygone era.

It's a true skin-comedy epic that delivers everything the gorgeous promotional art promises, and will no doubt become a cult classic among those with a true affinity for well-done homage. I watched this with some friends and there were times when we had to actually stop the DVD because we were laughing so hard! The prostitution and nudist camp scenes are
simply unbelievable.

Highly recommended.

REVIEW: CANNIBAL CAMPOUT

2007-01-16T18:49:00.000-08:00

New DVD label Camp Motion Pictures is releasing Jon McBride's 1998 shot-on-VHS gore fiesta CANNIBAL CAMPOUT this month along with its predecessor WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE. Both films have been given great transfers and extras with the cooperation of the filmmakers, and best of all the original poster art is used for the DVD sleeve.

While fans of Tromatic grade-Z splatter flicks will dig the film for its violent and cheesy content, it's today's DV horror filmmakers that should really be checking this disc out. The selling point here is director McBride's feature-length commentary track detailing just what it was like to make a film like this. In many ways, not much has changed: he had to deal with the same issues with nonprofessional crew and actors as well as cheap fx and location problems that any low-budget filmmaker today faces. However, the fascinating part comes with McBride's detailing of shooting with a VHS camcorder (some of you remember how heavy these were), using its on-board mic for sound, and deck-to-deck editing. We sometimes take for granted the fact that editing on a computer is such a breeze, and this track puts it all in perspective. McBride's a smart guy with a great sense of humor, and filmmakers can learn a lot from listening to him.

Check it out.

REVIEW: FRANKENHOOKER

2007-01-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

FINALLY. This past October, Unearthed Films released this lovely special edition of one of my all-time favorite b-movies, FRANKENHOOKER. You can read my original review from several years back if you want to know what the movie's about and what's in it (just be warned, I used to write movie reviews in the Joe Bob style so it's not the greatest quality), because in this new review I'm just focusing on the new disc.

Unearthed has done an excellent job with this release, and that's coming from a fan who has been waiting many years for this flick to get a worthwhile digital treatment. It's evident just from the menu screens that it's going to be a reverential affair: glowing purple is all over the place! And someone clearly understood the comic genius of my favorite character Zorro the Pimp, whose scream of "What the FUCK?!" is heard during one of the menu transitions. The movie is presented letterboxed and looks about as good as it ever will, definitely better than the VHS I've had since I was a teenager. It's the full uncut version so you get maximum boob and lesbionage (I just made that word up!) during the legendary exploding hooker sequence.

Lots of extras to be had here, thankfully. The commentary by director Frank Henenlotter (a renowned exploitation/b-movie historian in his own right) and FX man Gabe Bartolos is briskly paced and never gets dull, with Bartolos acting as moderator when not doling out fascinating info about the mammoth task of creating all the bizarre original makeups and gags for the film. My only gripe is that the volume on the commentary track is very very low and I had to turn up my TV considerably to be able to hear it. There are new interviews with star Patty Mullen and hooker extraordinaire Jennifer Delora as well. Mullen talks enthusiastically about everything from getting the role to being in all the makeup (she even dons the original purple wig at the end!) and Delora presents tons of cool polaroids she took on the set. Both women are very very funny and thankfully the interviews give them ample time to give fans what they want. Lastly is the substantial documentary about the FX hosted by Bartolos. No stone is left unturned here, people. Thanks to lots of video archive footage and photos, you truly get a sense of just how much work was done to bring this memorably freaky vision to life.

Thank you thank you thank you Unearthed Films. You did good.

REVIEW: BANDIDAS

2007-01-15T17:21:00.001-08:00

If you've seen this flick on video store shelves, this cover isn't going to be familiar to you. The one they used has Salma and Penelope looking all airbrushed and stylish, which is not how they appear in this film. I chose this alternate cover image because it more accurately represents their characters and the feel of the movie. This is probably the first-ever comedy western starring two latinas, and I loved it.

The setup is pretty basic. Salma plays the president's overpriviledged daughter while Penelope plays a dirt farmer's daughter, and the two must become allies when whitey comes to take over their small Mexican town. The two become bank robbers and give the money back to the people, dodging whitey's bullets and eventually enlisting the help of a bumbling crime scene scientist (Steve Zahn - always funny).

The reason this movie is so good is because of the chemistry the two leads have, and the filmmaking know-how of producer Luc Besson. The fights and action scenes are all excellent, particularly an amazing train car shootout sequence full of flying bullets, knives and explosions. But the bottom line here is Salma and Penelope ARE FUNNY. Truly funny. It's sad that a movie like this would never stand a chance of making box-office bank. I blame whitey, as usual.

REVIEW: IDIOCRACY

2007-01-15T16:55:00.000-08:00

At first it didn't make sense that the follow-up film by the guy who made late 90's cult hit OFFICE SPACE would get extremely limited theatrical run and go straight to DVD just like its predecessor. But after watching IDIOCRACY it all became clear: this is a high-concept comedy that's more disturbing than it is funny. It's like a fucking nightmare, honestly. It goes far beyond thinking persons' comedy and into the realm of apocalyptic cynicism.

Luke Wilson plays an average Joe slacker who participates in a US Army crogenics experiment along with prostitute Rita (SNL's Maya Rudolph). They're only supposed to be frozen for a year, but of course something goes wrong and they wake up 500 years in the future where people have gotten so lazy and stupid that Joe and Rita are quite literally the smartest people alive.

Sounds like a great idea for a movie, and it is, but filmmaker Mike Judge's exaggerations about where we're possibly headed aren't so ridiculous and far-fetched as they are very plausible and unsettling. No one reads, everyone wears clothes adorned with advertising logos, cities are surrounded by miles-high garbage dumps, buildings are held together by ropes, TV sets are 10 feet wide and people sit in La-Z-Boy chairs complete with on-board toilet, a movie called ASS has won the Best Picture Oscar, and a pro wrestler is president of the country.

IDIOCRACY also boasts some very convincing FX courtesy of Robert Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios, including a mammoth Costco store with a parking lot that looks like something out of Mad Max. All these elements make a very ambitious film that probably cost Fox a ton of money they'll never see again, and the movie will definitely grab a cult following, although one different from OFFICE SPACE. Whereas that film was relateable and fun, IDIOCRACY is funny too - just in a much much darker way. In other words, most people will probably only need to see it once.

REVIEW: BULLETS & MASCARA

2006-12-20T23:07:00.001-08:00

Give a young guy and his buddies a camcorder and some fake blood and chances are pretty good you'll end up with the kind of shitty cookie-cutter comedy/horror flick writers like me have seen dozens of times (and yes, I'm guilty of making one as well). If somehow despite the complete lack of lighting, incompetent camera work and garbled audio you do manage to be able to make out anything that's going on, what does come across is generally nothing that Troma hasn't done before, only less gooey and with one third the enthusiasm. However, from my experience I've noticed that if you give that same camcorder to a young girl, you'll get something a bit more interesting and original. Why? Girls are smarter. It's fucking scientific fact.

Heather Dixon's BULLETS & MASCARA takes all the familiar locations of the aforementioned backyard horror romps - the woods, the park, mom & dad's basement - and uses them to present a KILL BILL-inspired kung fu action comedy that's light on tired sub-references and heavy on low-budget filmmaking prowess. Dixon, whose hand was in every aspect of production from story to camera to editing, plays lead character Gwen opposite Tuesday Critz as Sophie (Critz also plays her own twin sister!) as a pair of assassins who steal a briefcase belonging to a freaked-out villain in drag named Jill (Joe Trione). The film is a non-stop parade of excellent fight scenes, fun performances, nible editing and camera angles, and perhaps best of all: a kickass training montage set to Pat Benatar's "Invincible"!

What I enjoyed most about BULLETS & MASCARA was how much it ended up resembling the films of 70's cult hero Jack Hill (SWITCHBLADE SISTERS, COFFY, SPIDER BABY), one of Tarantino's main influences, instead of the films of ol' Q himself. Hill's signature is that his movies always start out kinda cheesy and fun, but by the finale you are biting the shit out of your nails. Dixon and friends really pulled one over on me, because just when I was getting comfortable with their humor and style, here comes a third act full of twists, gore, and intensity that I wasn't expecting at all. Just like in Jack Hill's movies. I was glued to the screen by the end. Seriously.

I've seen far worse films by people twice Heather's age with six-figure budgets. Her hard work as an editor really shows here, as well as the effort on the part of all participants to truly make something unusual and cool. There are no weak links and no padding of the running time, just wall to wall fun and one motherfucker of an ending. Please Heather, don't be like other promising young female filmmakers we've seen disappear after one really awesome debut movie (Shasta Fairchild! DO YOU HEAR ME?). Let's see some more!

BuffaClare Productions @ MySpace

REVIEW: WE DON'T DIE... THE ROBIN HARRIS STORY

2006-11-06T16:00:00.000-08:00

I was in 6th grade when HOUSE PARTY came out. I remember you didn't have shit to talk about Monday morning if you hadn't gone to see it, and luckily I had. So what was everyone raving about? Robin Harris as Kid's bug-eyed father, spouting now-classic lines like, "test tube baby" and "I'm from a town called fresh off a cops' ass, yall making me homesick!" Only those who stayed for the credits found out the film was dedicated to Robin, who died unexpectedly of a heart attack before the film was released. He was only 36. I was stunned because I'd never heard of the guy, and he was incredible and memorable. Luckily, Robin had completed work in more films like I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA, DO THE RIGHT THING, HARLEM NIGHTS and MO' BETTER BLUES in a short period of time prior to his passing, but the world would forever be deprived of an outstanding talent and presence who was very much just getting started.

WE DON'T DIE, WE MULTIPLY: THE ROBIN HARRIS STORY takes its name from one of Robin's signature routines, "Bebe's Kids" and is full of never-before-seen footage or Robin's standup act, as well as most of the material from his HBO ONE NIGHT STAND taped the year of his death. Friends, family and fans talk at length about Robin's history and how he became a comic, and his struggles to get noticed on the scene. Among the interview subjects are well-known celebs like Bernice Mac (a personal favorite of mine), Martin Lawrence, Cedric "The Entertainer", Joe Torry, Robert Townsend and DL Hughley as well as several close friends and family memebers, including Robin's teenage son (who was still in the womb when Robin was found dead in a hotel room the morning after a historic performance in his hometown of Chicago). The discussion remains light, funny, and with the utmost respect for its subject, cutting frequently to either standup footage of Robin or a lo-quality videotaped interview conducted the day before his death.

Subtitles are thankfully provided for a lot of the performances as the audio quality is understandably poor, but what is crystal clear throughout is Robin's singularity as one of the most unique comedians in history. The DVD allows you to view the standup performances in their entirety as a special feature, and the subtitles are still included there to allow us to get the full effect. I grabbed this DVD the moment I saw it, absolutely elated that Robin's memory was going to remain relevant and reach a new generation of fans via this documentary. If you think you know all about the "original kings of comedy", you better make sure the name Robin Harris is something you're familiar with. He definitely is one of them.

REVIEW: FEAST (2006)

2006-11-06T15:59:00.000-08:00

I don't have Bravo or IFC so I didn't see the PROJECT GREENLIGHT series that documented the production of FEAST, and unfortunately it didn't end up being included anywhere on this disc either. Not sure if there was some kind of problem, or they wanted the film to stand on its own, or perhaps they thought the audience's perception of the film would change if they saw all of what went into making it, but luckily we at least get a few extras (including commentary by the director and behind-the-scenes) that place this at least a little bit above your average dumped-to-video horror film.

FEAST isn't as pedal-to-the-metal as the flicks it is obviously influenced by (FROM DUSK TIL DAWN, DEAD ALIVE and RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD), but it's an excellent horror movie filled with tons of over the top gore and creature effects that will surprise you at times with just how gross things get. I'd put it above average in terms of shocks and humor for such a major release, especially since the trend these days is towards torture-horror like HOSTEL. Famous faces like Balthazar Getty, Jason Mewes, Henry Rollins (in pink sweatpants!) and Judah Friedlander are present along with cult favorites Duane Whitaker and Clu Gulager (whose foul mouth one-ups his classic character "Burt" from RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD), but the female cast is truly outstanding and have the most interesting roles. Ravi Nawat and Krista Allen, who are mainly TV actors, are given the hero roles while most of the men are either idiots or pussies! I support that.

While at times this movie is choked by over-stylization and an all-too-obvious need to do what the audience isn't expecting, I loved the steady tempo and the old-school practical makeup fx/gore by Gary J. Tuncliffe (HELLRAISER, MIMIC, WISHMASTER and CANDYMAN vet) that coats basically every frame of this movie with slime or maggots or blood or monster sperm. That's right, monster sperm. But the best part of all, being that I'm a huge fan of the original RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, was the ever-presence of Clu Gulager. His son John directed FEAST and wisely put dad in a major role and let him do what he does best. I recommend this to fans of ROTLD if nothing else, just to see the man in action again.

REVIEW: CHIC '69 (2-DISC SET)

2006-11-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

Cult film fans will probably know the late Rene Bond from her roles in films like Ed Wood's NECROMANIA or the classic girl gang film FIVE LOOSE WOMEN, but the majority of her acting jobs were in 1970s pornos like CHIC '69. After Hours Cinema has found and restored this movie and released it along with a 2nd disc full of sex loops featuring Bond. Noted as one of the very first porn stars to get breast implants, she did CHIC '69 prior to her surgery, but some of the loops on disc 2 were obviously made after. This is all XXX stuff and the quality varies from the grain and scratches you'd expect from such an old source to, in the case of some of the loops, blurry and almost too difficult to tell what's going on. Regardless, this is a must-have for completists and collectors of vintage adult flicks, because Renee Bond was most certainly one of the earliest queens of the scene, and was quite gifted as a comic actor as well as doing the deed. According to my research, she appeared in around 300 films and loops, so perhaps there'll be more of these in the future. It's another top-notch presentation from After Hours which includes a handy booklet of photos and liner notes inside.

REVIEW: LAST RITES OF THE DEAD

2006-08-30T16:58:00.000-07:00

A heated argument between man and woman ends in a jolting act of violence, jump-starting Insane-O-Rama's latest excursion into the world of the undead, following their 2003 vampire feature STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN AT SUNDOWN. Right away, intense and sweat-drenched believable performances by the cast, accompanied by loud music and unsettling cinematography usher in what is in my opinion the most relevant and powerful entry in zombie film history since Scooter McCrae's criminally under-seen SHATTER DEAD (1994).

In LAST RITES OF THE DEAD, the living co-exist with zombies, but things are very problematic to say the least. The living dead are spat upon, seen as some kind of disgusting lower class by the general population, given the most menial and shitty jobs possible, and are routinely beaten by violent hoodlums. Life as a zombie sucks hard, to the point where voluntary euthanasia sites are set up for any who want to unburden themselves by having their brains blown out by masked psychopaths with shotguns. The story focuses on the recently-deceased Angela (Gina Ramsden), who is trying to adjust to life after death by attending a zombie support group whose members are literally falling apart, and the efforts of ex-boyfriend Josh (Joshua Nelson) and his pals to join a squad of exterminators hellbent on putting a bullet through the skull of every last piece of undead scum on the planet. Lead by a tough-as-hell woman known only as The Commandant (Christa McNamee) and armed to the teeth, the unit preaches a message of seperatism and superiority that's a stark contrast to the touchy-feely bubble Angela's support group tries to create. When she meets up with a cult of militant zombies who see themselves as the next evolutionary step above humans, the stakes increase and all-out war between the living and the dead seems eminent.

LAST RITES is on the one hand absolutely dark and brutal, spilling over with exploding heads and intestines and gore-soaked walls, and on the other, emotionally riveting and action-packed. The pacing is perfect, the acting is amazing, and every single act of violence resonated deeply with me. While the effects, performances and fight sequences are indeed top-notch, the story and characters remain in the foreground at all times. Not once do you get lost in the carnage, not once is it without meaning and point, not once does it seem gratuitous or showy. Ramsden, Nelson and McNamee are always on volume 10, keeping the audience connected and believing what they are seeing isn't some retarded gore movie, but rather events that are actually happening to actual people. I was seeing zombies get their heads cut off and placed on stakes, then blown apart with shotguns, and I honestly felt bad for them. This is how I know the movie works on the level it was meant to.

Writer-Director Mark Fratto gets right with this film what even zombie master George Romero didn't with either of his follow-ups to the classic DAWN OF THE DEAD; in both the underdone DAY OF THE DEAD and the overcooked LAND OF THE DEAD, special effects and hit-you-over-the-head political commentary both ultimately caused the elements that made NIGHT and DAWN work so well to take a backseat. LAST RITES OF THE DEAD is a movie about the very nature of our race, and how easily we let petty differences cloud the fact that we are all human. Why are you this important person, this privileged being when you're alive, and then as soon as you die, you're this disgusting piece of meat? What makes you different all of a sudden? The two camps in the film are both on the extreme side, and neither one is right. Their solutions only involve violence, separation, and superiority. Their supposed strength is in fact cowardice and ignorance, exposing the root problem of man's centuries-old inability to take a step outside and take a hard look at himself.

My favorite thing about LAST RITES is that it isn't making any one clear statement, but instead asks you to look around and ask your own questions, see similarities to the world around you, and draw your own conclusions. It may very well be the last zombie movie I ever need to watch, because in many ways it's the one I've always been waiting for.

www.insane-o-rama.com

REVIEW: MAIL ORDER BRIDE

2006-08-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

Writer/Director David Quitmeyer pairs up again with his SLAUGHTER DISC star Caroline Pierce for another tale about an unlucky-in-love loser who turns to mail order to get his romantic jollies off, this time going the more comedic route and letting the hardcore horror stuff rest. The 36-minute short MAIL ORDER BRIDE concerns Steve (Corey Foxx), a guy who has endured one failed relationship after another and turns to more desperate means after a Myspace-type hookup goes horribly wrong. Steve's solution to his problems is the "Personal Concubine 2000", a $3,000 lingerie-clad blond android he sees in a late-night TV commercial. When the PC 2000 arrives, she looks more like BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR, covered in stitches and sporting bizarre pupil-less eyes. Amazingly, Steve reads the instructions and follows the proper procedures for charging the battery and programming the android to please him in any pornographic ways he desires. All he's got to do is let her absorb data by watching videotapes, as long as he's super-careful what kind of movies she sees! Any horror fan can probably guess where this is headed, especially when numerous mentions are made of an "all-night horror movie marathon" happening on TV while the android is at home, but this film, like SLAUGHTER DISC, hinges on another amazing performance by Caroline Pierce. She plays the PC 2000 with absolute skill and chilling accuracy, to the point where even though you suspect what she might do to Steve, there's no way you'll be able to predict just how things end up.

MAIL ORDER BRIDE is actually four movies in one, as Quitmeyer had to create not only the main film, but two television shows, three horror movies, a porno and the PC 2000 commercial as well. All this is very well put together, and makes for a quick-paced and entertaining viewing experience. Anyone who is familiar with RealDoll.com knows that MAIL ORDER BRIDE has roots in real life (that website inspired the underrated horror flick LOVE OBJECT a couple years back), and like SLAUGHTER DISC, it's a cautionary tale about the dangers involved in trying to replace human interaction with technology. In our text message e-mail based culture, face-to-face communication is slipping away daily, and people are becoming less able to function the way humans are supposed to. It may seem easier to go the cyber route, seemingly avoiding the pain and disappointment that relationships can bring, but ultimately you're only gonna fuck yourself up. To me, this is what Quitmeyer's films are about, and he and the amazing Caroline Pierce have come up with another horror movie that holds a mirror up to the parts of ourselves we would rather admit don't exist.

www.steelwebstudios.com

REVIEW: SILENT HILL

2006-08-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

Everyone who recommended SILENT HILL to me also happened to be big fans of the video game it's based on. As weird as this may sound, I think the film would have been better if they HADN'T stayed so true to the game. I realize the filmmakers would have risked pissing off basically everyone who was gonna go see the movie, but ultimately the film would have been much much more enjoyable for the average horror movie fan or movie-watcher. SILENT HILL is in many ways a really great movie, it has a stunning visual style, great music, outstanding cinematography, and gorgeous creepy sets. It's full of actors I like a lot (such as Deborah Kara Unger and Alice Krige), it's a female-driven movie, and the script was written by Roger (RULES OF ATTRACTION) Avary. So why did I find myself becoming very restless watching this film? Why was it more fun to make jokes about it?

The answer is, watching SILENT HILL is exactly like watching someone else play a video game for 2 hours. Not exactly my idea of a fun evening. Video games have gotten so cinematic and, at times, scary, that producers get this idea that a literal translation from console to silver screen (including the exact same look of the computer-animated monsters) will result in a good movie. While I think director Christophe Gans's film BROTHERHOOD OF THE WOLF was highly overrated, I expected a bit more out of Roger Avary, one of my favorite writer/directors. There are times when it does indeed feel like you're watching a movie, but for the majority of the 125-minute running time of SILENT HILL, you're watching a woman run around and find stuff in different rooms, just like a video game. Some jolt or drastic change occurs every so often, and then it's back to run around and find stuff again.

I will say the climax in the town church is very intense and effective, unquestionably the best scene in the film. It brings the gore and the freak-outs and the payoffs, but the wait is near-agonizing. I felt Laurie Holden's expert performance as the female police officer deserved to have been written as more than a one-dimensional game character, actually none of the actors (save for maybe Krige) had much at all to work with in terms of character development. I'd expect this kind of thing from a video game, but not from a horror film with this much talent involved.

REVIEW: INSECTICIDAL

2006-08-28T16:05:00.001-07:00

Sorority house: CHECK. Pretty girl with glasses as nerdy heroine: CHECK. Horrible creature effects: CHECK. Nudity and gore: CHECK. Lesbians: CHECK. Cleavage: CHECK. Kung-fu: CHECK. All that's missing is a chainsaw.

Seriously - INSECTICIDAL stacks up as one of the best b-movies I've seen in a very long time. This is how it's done, folks. When likeable science nerd Cami (Meghan Heffern) accidentally loses an experimental mutant bug in the sorority house, you can probably guess this leads to a night of some slimy, gooey, creepy goings-on. What might surprise you is the way the filmmakers executed the precise right balance between camp, comedy, and sci-fi to create an entirely satisfying low-budget movie experience. And while the computer-generated giant bugs are REALLY crappy (they make Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies' fx look like ILM) the makeup and gore are outstanding, and the acting is actually pretty good too. The standout performance of the film for me was Rhoda Dent as uber-bitch Josi, the head of the sorority house. It's definitely the best role of the film, and gives Dent a chance to really dig into a dynamic part that requires a lot of overacting. A lot. And to boot, she sometimes looks like Brinke Stevens!

This is a real ass-kicker, people. An example of just what you can do if you really understand the ingredients of the greatest exploitation and b-movies ever made. Highly recommended!

REVIEW: FEED

2006-08-28T16:05:00.000-07:00

Anyone who's attracted to women described as chunky, fat, plump, rubenesque, chubby or BBW and has spent any time on the web checking them out has probably run into the whole "feeders/gainers" thing at one point or another. Personally, I find it a bit fucked-up, just because the whole relationship is based on someone with low self-esteem doing awful things to their body just to feel wanted and loved by men who get off on holding that kind of power over a woman. Unlike websites that celebrate natural beauty and acceptance, the idea behind this stuff is just as dangerous and starving yourself and/or puking because you wanna be skinny. However, I gotta admit, this made an intriguing premise for a horror/crime thriller, so I was extremely curious about Brett (LAWNMOWER MAN, VIRTUOSITY) Leonard's latest flick, FEED.

Unfortunately after a solid, intense, freaky-as-all-get-out opening sequence that wowed me to no end in terms of content, photography and editing, FEED turned into a pretty standard cop chasing psycho kind of a film that doesn't make with the good stuff again until the climax of the movie, which contains a very shocking moment of unexpected violence. It's a shame Leonard and company couldn't maintain the intensity and tone they'd pulled off so well in the beginning and end scenes. The special fx makeup on the "gainer" (Gabby Millgate, "Joanie" from MURIEL'S WEDDING) is just convincing enough to really really work, and her performance is nice and over-the-top just like I like 'em. And again, the idea of someone eating and eating until they're so huge they can't even get out of bed is just really disturbing. Google it - this shit is real.

Those of you looking for a creative entry in the tired crime thriller genre might enjoy this, especially if you've never heard of or are curious about the wild world of fetish on the web. Horror fans who are considering picking this up based on the quotes on the cover box raving about how "sick" this film is are gonna find themselves disappointed. It was worth the rental for the beginning and end, and for all the scenes involving the fake fat woman. Don't watch while eating!

REVIEW: MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND

2006-08-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

In my review of Brett Kelly's SPACEMEN, GO-GO GIRLS AND THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS, I praised him for finally making a comedy. Brett is truly one of the funniest individuals on the indie film scene, but his film work has primarily been of the straightforward, horror-thriller, dramatic variety, so it was great to see him produce something more in line with his personality. His latest film MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND is a truly satisfying marriage of what Kelly does best - it's a horror comedy. Alright, man.

Steve (Kelly) is a teacher who has just moved in with his girlfriend Amy, a student with a seemingly educational interest in the occult. The couple have scarcely begun unpacking their belongings when a freak accident leaves Amy dead in Steve's panicked arms, leading him to a desperate effort at reviving her though a black magic recipe from one of her weird books. In keeping with the classic rules laid out in "The Monkey's Paw", Amy comes back to life, but she's definitely not her old self.

These days, it takes a talent like Brett Kelly to make any sort of blip on the zombie movie radar, a plot device that is exceedingly over-used, especially in the low-budget film world. Thankfully, MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND shares traits with both SHAUN OF THE DEAD and the original EVIL DEAD in terms of theme, setting and execution, and is quite entertaining. The film is most definitely a romantic comedy, just with the undead thrown in, a love story above all else, and takes place in minimal setting: a cabin in the middle of the dark woods, to be exact. This makes for close quarters that really allow the movie's strongest points to shine, a small group of well-written characters performed by a capable ensemble, all of whom are endlessly watchable. Kelly is of course perfect as the bungling Steve, trying to cover up the fact that Amy is a flesh-eater when all his buddies can see there is clearly something quite wrong with her. Caitlin Delaney's performance as the zombified title character is fittingly just as dynamic and amazing to watch, as she goes from sweet and idealistic to bloodthirsty and rotted, all the while remaining likeable and sympathetic.

MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND is, for lack of a thesaurus, fucking brilliant independent filmmaking. Delaney is a revelation, and Kelly has his craft down to a science, showcasing his firm grasp on multiple genres, but most importantly, how to glue them together without losing what is essential to both. On a personal note, I'd like to thank him for one of the best, most effective vomit sequences I've seen in a long time. Smooth. Chunky. Tasty.

DVD EXTRAS:
According to the website (I don't have the final disc)- Cast & crew audio commentary, interviews, deleted scenes, bloopers, "the Pretty Lie" short, and trailers.

REVIEW: MURDER IS LIKE SEX

2006-08-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

Writer-Director Keith Boron certainly isn't into wasting any time. For his first feature, rather than go the "safe" route of producing a formulaic, easy-to-digest horror film that's easily classifiable and sell-able, Keith instead chose to tell a very unconventional, twisted, funny, and brutally honest story that easily ranks up there with the most unique movies I've ever seen, and definitely something that only the independent film world could produce (but seldom does, unfortunately).

MURDER IS LIKE SEX centers on Kevin Wright (Jayson Garity), a chronic masturbator (!!!) toiling away as a record store clerk, the kind of guy who never really adjusted to life after high school. He wants more out of life, but has no idea how to go about getting it, so instead he just spends his time watching movies, hanging out with his buddies, and incessantly jerking off. Not long after we meet Kevin, his sexual frustration reaches such a palpable zenith that it physically manifests itself in the form of the murderous Lisa (Robyn Griggs), who first enters his life as an innocent-enough next door neighbor, but soon becomes much, much more. It's not long before Kevin finds himself at the center of a murder investigation, trying to figure out Lisa's true nature and beat a murder rap all at once. Oh yeah, and he just might find true love. We mustn't forget about true love.

Such a wild concept and daring script can easily be lost in translation from page to screen if not executed properly, and the HTM Films crew prove themselves to be more than capable of pulling it off. MURDER IS LIKE SEX is not only an exceptionally original story, but is also outstanding from a production standpoint. Picture and sound quality are top-notch, it's well photographed and competently scored and edited. This movie could easily play cable television, joining the pantheon of movies you catch at 3am and say to yourself, "I'm only gonna watch like 5 minutes", but you end up entranced and staying awake to finish it, dragging your heels at work the next day, trying desperately to describe to your friends what you've seen. The multiple locations, production value, costumes and shot composition alone place this film high above average for a microbudget release.

And while the movie centers on a male character, it's the lead women in the picture that end up stealing the show. Robyn Griggs is extremely impressive as Lisa, the "heavy" role that could have easily been ruined by a hammy, contrived, by-the-numbers horror villain shtick. Robyn's expert, memorable delivery of dialog in the film's most intense scenes recalls Robbie Lee's legendary performance as Lace in Jack Hill's SWITCHBLADE SISTERS, wide-eyed and teeth firmly clenched. Perfect. However, the surprise hit of the movie for me was newcomer Heather Summers as Kevin's girlfriend, the kind of unremarkable 'chick' role with not a whole lot to do. Heather manages to do something you rarely ever see actors do with a secondary part, regardless of budget, making a distinct impression every time she's on screen. Her facial expressions are always interesting and deep, her choices for line delivery are refreshing, and she says more with just her eyes than some actors do in the span of a career. I walked away endlessly impressed with and happy about the female performances in this film, I knew to expect quality from Robyn, but was pleasantly surprised with Heather Summers, and hope she continues acting.

MURDER IS LIKE SEX is a risky title and an appropriately risky film, a rare find amongst the tired and seen-it-before world of direct to video thrillers, and I send my most sincere thanks to everyone involved for being brave enough to even attempt bringing such a unique tale to the screen. In my view, it's a movie about personal accountability and responsibility in the adult world, about the death of innocence and how you can never go back, but most importantly about the importance of love and healthy relationships. Throw in multiple stab wounds, out-of-body experiences and oral sex, and you got yourself one hell of a great flick.

DVD EXTRAS:
The super-nice list of features includes audio commentary with the cast and crew, 10-minute outtake/blooper reel, trailer, and "Maximum Satan" music video. The movie audio during the commentary track was a bit loud for my taste, and at times I had difficulty hearing the people talk, but it could have just been my old-ass TV. The overall DVD presentation of MURDER IS LIKE SEX is unusually professional and impressive for a microbudget release. Go buy it!

BLOG-O-RIFFIC

2006-08-28T14:59:00.000-07:00

Well, it finally happened. After 6 years on Yahoo Geocities, I finally maxed out the allowable amount of disk space they grant to free accounts, and had to make a choice. When I started gonzoriffic reviews, it was of the only places on the net where you could find reviews for the kind of cheap films relegated to late-night pay cable TV or the dark corners of roughshod mom & pop video stores, but now there are tons of cult film review web pages (nicer and more frequently updated than mine, I should note) easily available on the web.

However, as long as I keep getting screeners, and as long as I can find time to write about the movies I watch, I'll be posting my thoughts on them here. The Geocities site is still getting a significant number of hits each day, so apparently the old dog still has something to offer.

Enjoy,

-Andrew

CANNIBAL SISTERS update

2006-05-22T14:40:00.000-07:00

back in march, i set about the task of re-making one of our old VHS-C short films, "CANNIBAL SISTERS", for inclusion in this fall's release of "FACES OF SCHLOCK 3", which will end the series. the idea was to finally shoot on a 3-chip camera (i'm not counting our 2003 abortion "ANGEL SPIT") so it would have that pro look and sound that the other films in the SCHLOCK anthology do.

we shot 2 days in march, which constituted the bulk of the movie. things went really well, and we definitely upped the creep and gross-out factor from the original (which strangely enough remains a favorite among our small cult of fans, and always leaves an impression). in april, we filmed one day with horror author/photographer arinn dembo (www.arinndembo.com), who drove 5 hours from tennesseee just to come work with us. she was amazing and we got what i consider the scariest footage EVER in a gonzoriffic production. we usually make comedies, but in each film there's some seriousness, some scene of horror. in this one, we wanted to definitely make it horrifying, and i think we managed to do it. check out the still i posted along with this entry.

geek cherry=busted

2005-09-07T16:04:00.000-07:00

how did i, a lifelong fan of horror movies and comic books, grow up in atlanta without ever attending dragon*con, "america's largest, multi-media, popular arts convention"? simple. i thought it was something only mega-geeks went to. occasionally i'd see flyers for the con in bookstores, casually glancing at the celebrity guest list and wondering what it'd be like to see these folks in person, in the end feeling like i'd just be completely out of my element. but in the ten years since i left my hometown, what began as a curiosity into this other world of fantasy, sci-fi and subculture grew into a genuine desire to finally check it out for myself. this past weekend, thanks to my boss-lady heidi martinuzzi and dragon*con media relations director star roberts, i entered the dragon at long last, armed with a notebook, camera and a little ribbon that said "press" attached to my name tag.

immediately, i was intimidated by the absolute magnitude of this event. as a kid, i'd been to the atlanta comics expo and the georgia fantasy conventions once or twice, but in the years since those two shows combined to form the mighty dragon, this thing has become a monster, taking over three of atlanta's largest hotels (the hyatt, hilton & mariott) for five days of non-stop fandom. i parked a few blocks away from the main area and spotted several youths with dyed hair and black clothing, whom i followed and quickly found my destination: a sea of people of all shapes, sizes and ethnicities flooding the parking lots of the adjoining hotels and sidewalks, many decked out in what looked like bondage gear or variations thereof, and several dressed up as rrecognizable characters from TV, film and comics. the general atmosphere was part arena rock concert, part halloween party, and part first day of college freshman year. luckily, i'd checked out a map of the main hotel online and checked the day's program schedule, so i wasn't entirely lost, but that didn't stop me from making a few wrong turns trying to navigate through the massive crowds that permeated nearly every inch of floor space.

eventually, i arrived (late) at the learning center, where all the convention's film-related activities were taking place. onstage was cult film legend charles band, best known to horror audiences as the founder of full moon pictures, producers of the PUPPETMASTER series among many many others. while the crowd in attendance seemed to mostly consist of fans of the movies, asking fan-related questions ("when will there be a sequel to - ?", "what was it like working with - ?"), the focus of band's lecture was actually filmmaking and the future of his company. there were individuals in the room who were interested in breaking into the movie biz, who managed to engage band in some relevant discussion. when the subject of slasher films was brought up, band had this to say in regard to the so-called importance of T&A in horror movies:

"no woman in a tense, scary moment is going to just stop and take her top off. if [nudity] is in there for no reason, today's audiences pick up on that. in my new movie, no women die. i'm tired of seeing hot chicks get killed. let the dudes get killed!"

once the panel ended, band took time to give free movies to the audience and sign autographs. he then left with a woman who was dressed as "baby" from HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES, complete with dry blood all over her skimpy outfit. very cool.

after that, i got a call from some friends who heard i was at the show, and wanted to meet up with me for dinner. they asked, "where are you?", and i really had no idea. by that time, i'd found the exhibition hall, where people were selling toys and movies and clothing and swords and who knows what else (i nerded out when i saw some "miskatonic university" shirts!), and could not remember which of the three hotels i was in. luckily, my pals were dragon*con verterans, and located me fairly easily. walking past the troma booth, i spotted fellow local filmmaker (& pretty-scary board member) stephen grainger, and stopped over to shoot the shit for a few minutes. along came lloyd kaufman, president of troma and creator of THE TOXIC AVENGER, and i extended my hand to greet him. before i could get my name out, lloyd said, "andrew shearer! how are you?" and i quickly looked at my shirt to make sure he wasn't just reading my name tag. nope, it wasn't visible. how awesome was that? i met him last year at another convention and he remembered me! lloyd invited me to talk about my movies during his "make your own damn movie" lecture that was taking place later that night, but i politely declined. i was more interested in sitting there watching the man do his thing, listening to and learning from one of the masters of the trade. i left the troma booth absolutely floating. lloyd is the shit.

i followed my friends, local stand-up comic david meadows and actress melisa cardona (both of whom were performing in the giant rocky horror show at 2am), across to the food court to get some grub. melisa was dressed as "pris" from BLADE RUNNER, and we were stopped at least five times by people who wanted to take a picture of her. at this point, i feel i should mention that picture-taking is a huge part of what was going on at this convention. the costumes and get-ups most people had on were totally amazing, everything from your standard stormtrooper gear to women who looked like they walked out of a frazetta painting, to giant robots that definitely were not fitting in the elevators. as a pre-teen, had i known there were so many half-naked women running around at this show, i would have gone every single year, so i could see the appeal to people holding cameras. however, part of me thought melisa's costume was genuinely being appreciated, and part of me thought maybe some of the dudes were just pervs snapping pics of all the ladies with revealing attire for their "personal collections". i hope it's that first thing and not that last thing.

for the first-timer, navigating the hotels just to get from one place to another is a pretty nerve-racking ordeal. as organized as this event is, there's no avoiding the fact that you're constantly surrounded by people who are either rushing by or stopping to take a picture, or have a picture taken of them, or just staring in awe of all the cool costumes. by the time i'd made my way to and from dinner, i decided to retreat to the "press room", an area designated for the media to go and quietly dcompress, collect their data and relax. i was greeted by the very together and impossibly high-energy star roberts, who seemed happy and at ease despite wearing one of those headset things and constantly being asked questions. the fourth day into this thing, and she still seems to be having a blast. that's a professional for you. after taking some notes and reviewing my failed attempts at getting worthwhile photos for this article, i chose to sit and breathe before heading back to catch lloyd's hour of troma power. listening to the other journalists in the room was a complete crack-up, a lot of these guys had been around a long time and had some hilarious stories to tell. i was torn between hoping one day i'd have enough experience with this kind of thing to be able to exchange such tales with them, and hoping i never ended up going through all the shit they have.

i thanked miss roberts for her hospitality and hoofed it back to the film area, this time arriving early enough to get a front row seat. unlike the group attending charles band's panel, the packed audience at troma's "make your own damn movie" presentation were there because they sincerely were interested in making their own damn movies. lloyd took the stage, along with his daughter lilly hayes, and spent the next hour entertaining and educating the crowd with his trademark tromatic excellence. he fielded questions about everything from getting your film financed to how NOT to secure a shooting location, and ended up involving me in a discussion about doing special FX on the cheap. when i noted that troma's recipe for a nice, gory head-crushing really does work, lloyd held the microphone in my face and asked me to detail exactly how we pulled it off (in our movie 2003 flick ANGEL SPIT). i left with the sense that a lot of people out there really want to make movies, but are daunted by the idea that it takes heaps of money and skill. hopefully they realized that if troma can do it, 30 years and running, they can get out there as well. it's getting easier and easier all the time, and i should know!

deciding to take things slowly as a dragon*con virgin, i opted to head home, forgoing the gigantic costume contest and other festivities that carried on into the night. only upon walking back to my car did i realize that i never checked out the "walk of fame", dragon*con's celebrity guest area, or the comic artists gallery. there's always next year, right? i thought back to when i entered the exhibition hall earlier in the day, i saw actor sid haig at a table signing autographs, and i was so overcome by everything i'd seen in the few short hours at the con, it didn't faze me. and i'm a huge fan of sid haig! my friend santiago asked me, "don't you want to meet sid haig?", and i can't even remember what i said in response. there, a few feet away from me sat the star of THE DEVIL'S REJECTS, one of the best movies of the year. it was all part of the fun.

during my teen years, one of my biggest escapes was THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW and its "come as you are" policy of accepting anyone and everyone no matter who you were. so often in life, we feel as though we're on the outside looking in, that we don't fit, and that we have to put on an act or repress ourselves in order to smoothly blend into the general world around us. we fear rejection, we crave acceptance, and yet we value happiness, love and freedom above all else. ROCKY HORROR provided an outlet for me and countless other "outsiders" with an environment that encouraged us to let our freak flags fly, to express ourselves any way we liked, to take comfort in something that could bring such a diverse group together. atlanta's dragon*con is that same environment on a gargantuan level, where no one is left out and everyone gets to be themselves. if you want to dress up like a 9 foot tall robot, or princess leia, or even a giant red TETRIS game piece, you're welcome to. in three of the city's largest hotels, in front of everybody who passes through those doors, for 5 straight days.

vision video

2005-08-24T20:36:00.000-07:00

i'm so glad i'm a filmmaker in this town and not a musician. i went over to vision video and gave them a dvd of a movie i made, and the guy was all too happy to put it on the shelves to rent. he looked at it like he was 10 years old and it was a new g.i. joe action figure. maybe it was a put-on, but i doubt it.

now imagine if it was me as a local musician taking a copy of my album into a record store to ask if they'll sell it. i doubt i'd be greeted with the same enthusiasm. actually i know i wouldn't, 'cause i have been there.

i told the guy, if you think it sucks, it's ok to toss it in the trash. he kept stopping me, saying he's sure it's cool, and that he'll put it on the new releases shelf right away. he was actually smiling.

go in the record store and see if they're smiling.

weekend zombie mayhem

2005-08-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

filmed half of my intro to "satan's house of yoga" yesterday. this half was the zombie attack, complete with a guy who shoots himself, and then the zombie girls eat his brains off the wall.